Poop

A few days after she started to go on her own she would NOT go potty for poop. She just refused. No matter how much I begged, bribed, promised, and pleaded, she would only go in her panties.

I could not understand it because she would go pee just fine, but would hold her poop forever until she was off the potty.

I read somewhere that some children have this idea that their poop is part of them and it scares them to push it out of them into the potty. Some books have been written about it to explain to them where it goes, and that might work for some children.

I heard another idea about how to get a child to go poop in the potty. I told Madeleine that at the very bottom of the potty are tiny fishes and when she poops into the potty her poopy feeds the fishes. It worked right away!!! She would run to "feed the fishies" when she had to poop.

And then when she did poop in the potty I would make a gigantic deal about it and would give her more M&Ms than normal.

No Doesn't Mean No

I don't know where I heard it first, but when I think the breakthrough moment for me for potty training was when I realized that if Madeleline answers "no" to the question, "Do you want to try and go potty?", it doesn't actually mean no, it means "no is my favorite word, so I will answer that to everything, even if I mean yes". =)

So, when I would ask a question or make a suggestion about trying to go potty I just ignored her emphatic NO and took her anyway (dragging or putting her in a corner if she flat out refused), and instead redirected her attention to a choice she had to make:
"Ok, here we go...
...do you want to use the little potty or the big potty?"
...do you want to read the Elmo book on the potty or the Kermit book?"
...do you want green M&Ms after you go or red M&Ms?"

Accidents

Accidents happen! At least to us... some people might get luck and have a kid who never has an accident.

The key to accidents, as counterproductive as it seems, is to not scold or make the child feel bad. I did this just one time and it made Madeleine regress for a whole day. Once the child knows when to go and has demonstrated that they can go on their own, then they are ashamed enough of missing the timing. Instead, just say something like "Oh well, next time try and remember to stop what you're doing and go."

And bring along extra panties when you go out... just in case.

Step 4: 3-4 weeks after

About a week of her going to the potty by herself I moved her little potty from our living room to the bathroom and put the seat on the big potty, which is where she went from then on.

I've heard that for some kids potty training is like a light switch - once it clicks for them they never have any accidents. Madeleine wasn't like that. So, for a few weeks after she figured out how to go on her own, I had to constantly remind and reward her. Below are some things that worked for us...

• She wore a dress instead of pants to make going to the potty as easy as possible.
• Every 30 minutes or so I would say something to remind her about the potty - either praising her for staying dry, asking if she wanted to try, showing her the M&Ms that were ready for her once she went, or pretending to call someone and brag to them about how she now goes potty by herself.
• If she said she didn't need to go, I would remind her "Do NOT go peepee or poopy in those pretty new pink panties". Of course, if she did have an accident I wouldn't chastise her... read Accidents for more about that.
  
• If I was pretty sure she would be need to go soon I would make her sit on the potty for a while until she went. For this, I did not take her "no, I don't need to go" seriously. Read my No Doesn't Mean No post for details.
  
• I had to continue to use M&Ms as a reward periodically for the following weeks, tapering off and stopping completely about 4 weeks afterward.
• We would also continue to reinforce it with potty books.
• I made her try to go when she first got up (when we would trade her pull up for panties), when we were about to go somewhere, and right before she went to bed.
  

Step 3: Potty Training, Days 2-3

The second day I just repeated the first day, but I was able to let her spend more time off the potty because I had a better idea of her bodily schedule and when she needed to go. She still was on the potty more than she was off of it, but I was able to wait about 45 minutes after eating and drinking before putting her on the potty for a few hours at a time, but with some 15-20 minute breaks.

Because she was off the potty more the second day, there were a few accidents, so I tried to keep her playing on the hardwood floors so that they were easier to clean.

The third days were a repeat of the first and second days, with less and less time spent on the potty. When she happened to poop or pee in the potty I made a HUGE deal of it and gave her a "bowl full of M&Ms". When she had an accident I acted very sad and took her soiled panties to the potty and scraped the poop or pee into there to show her that that is where it goes.

By the afternoon of the third day she had gotten the hang of it and started to go on her own.

Because of the potential for accidents, the first week of potty training she didn't wear anything but panties.

Step 3: P-Day - First day of Potty Training

Potty training all boils down to being able to catch their pees and poops in the potty - being able to properly time their pees and poops with putting them on the potty. If you know your child's timing, this should be easy.

For children that are regular and poop or pee x minutes after eating or drinking, then you simply put them on the potty around that time for 10 minutes or so to catch them in the act. I had tried other people's suggestions of going to the potty every 30 minutes, but that didn't work for her because she didn't go regularly a certain number of minutes after eating or drinking. As a matter of fact, it seemed like she would hold it until she got off the potty and then she would go.

But what about if your child doesn't go regularly? Since Madeleine wasn't regular, we spent most of the entire first day just sitting her on the potty. Fortunately my 4 month old was going through a growth spurt and slept most of that day.

Tips to train an unregular child...

• I had to confine her eating and drinking to one-time events, rather than give her water or juice whenever she wanted it (which is how it had been). For us I confined it to 4 times a day: breakfast, lunch, a snack, and dinner. That won't make them regular, but it will certain help a bit.
  
• Write down the exact times your child eats/drinks and then note when he or she pees or poops so you can get an idea of the time you can expect her to have to go... eg: 8:00 - breakfast - 9:00 - pee 10:15 poop.

Going Pee...

• As soon as she got up I took off her diaper, told her we will be wearing soft new panties now, and I put her on the potty for 15 minutes to try and go. (She didn't).
  
• She had breakfast like normal, but with a lot of juice to drink.
  
• About 20 minutes later I put the potty in front of the TV and did everything I could to keep her there - new DVDs, snacks, drinks, etc.
• About 2 hours after breakfast when her poor little tushie had a red ring from sitting on the potty so long, she finally peed.

After she goes
Once she peed I went crazy with excitement (everyone says, and I agree, that this is key). I jumped up and down, sang a potty song, danced around, and basically acted like a cheerleader on Red Bull going crazy cheering for her. AND I gave her "a bowl full of M&Ms" to eat after she washed her hands. There were really only like 7 in there, but it was in a special bowl and sounded like a lot, so she was excited about it.

Then I showed her how to wipe herself, she flushed the pee down the big potty, washed her hands with special new yummy-smelling soap and gave her the M&Ms.

After that she took a half hour to 45 minute break from the potty and then went back on it.

We did that the entire day (eating, drinking, and doing everything else on the potty) and by the end she had started to get the hang of it.

That night I put her in pullups to sleep.

Step 2: A few days before

A few days before we actually put her on the potty to try and go, we did more prep work:

• Let them get messy! - I read that some toddlers actually like the feeling of dirtying in their diapers, Madeleine included, which is why I was pretty sure that if I left it up to her she wouldn't be potty trained until Kindergarten. I also figured this could be a sticking point with Madeleine because I am not a messy person and don't like for her to get messy to begin with. So, every day for about 3 days before P-day I let her "finger paint" with chocolate pudding. Granted, more pudding ended up on her body than on the paper, but that was the idea. I think this really helped! Here is a picture of her in her finger painting glory.


• Practice sitting - I started getting her used to her new potty and to the idea of taking time out of her play to go potty by having her sit on it for a few minutes several times a day.

• Make the bathroom "fun" - I tried putting up posters of Little Einsteins all over the bathroom at her level. This actually didn't work for us but her doctor did recommend it, so maybe it works for some people.


• Introduce a potty trained friend - when Madeleine had a 3 year old friend come over to play and she saw him go potty by himself just one time it made a huge difference.

Step 1: A Few Weeks Prior

I did TONs of prep work for potty training leading up to the actual success. In the weeks and months leading up to potty training we introduced her to the potty in many different ways. Some worked better than others, but all helped to reinforce the potty concept.

• Books - We started by reading Madeleine books about potty training several months in advance. The good news is that there are so many good potty training books out there to choose from.


• Potty Doll - Madeleine likes Elmo so we used this Elmo potty training doll to demonstrate the potty. He has his own potty, juice cup, and little potty book (that he reads while he goes). It's pretty ingenious - when you put the cup to his lips he "drinks" from it and then talks about how he "has to go" and then when you put him on the potty he sings.

• Movie - We also used this Elmo DVD about potty training... I'm not sure how much it helped but at least it was another method of reinforcing the idea:





• Model behavior - Take your child with you when you go to the bathroom and demonstrate how it all works.

Potty Training Essentials

Potty training seems to be a mix of essential elements that must all be present for the child to learn, and other ideas in each step which might or might not work on your child.

Essential Elements

Based on experience, observation, and books, the following elements are essential to successful potty training:

1 - An awareness of their bowels

I think this started at around 14 months for Madeleine, because that is when she would start to insist that I change her when she was dirty. But every child is different.

2 - The ability to pull their pants up and down

If you have to do it for them every time, it kind of defeats the purpose of potty training independence!

3 - A potty

See this post about the different potty options.

4 - Training pants

See this post about training pants and pull-ups.

5 - Timing

In the very beginning you'll have to have at least several days of successfully timing the child's pees and poops with sitting on the potty. This is where the TV comes in handy, especially when your child is not "regular"... detailed post coming soon...

6 - Some kind of incentive

Candy, a special toy, stickers, etc. - M&Ms worked for us, but I found that what works for some kids might not work for others.

Even more important than a tangible incentive though is your excited reaction (literally jump up and down, dance around, shout for joy, sing a song, etc.) to their going potty. THAT is what really seems to make or break it.

detailed post coming soon...

With the essentials down, we are ready for Step 1 - a few weeks of prep work in advance of P-day (potty day).

Pull-ups or Training Pants?

Pampers, Huggies, and all the other well-meaning diaper companies have tried their best to create disposable training pants like Pull-ups to help a child in their quest to learn to go to the bathroom by themselves.

Unfortunately they don't work. Nope, not even the ones with the "feel wet" liner. When you take them off by their sides and dispose of them in the diaper pail, they are too much like a diaper to feel any different to a child. Plus, not even the best "feel wet" liner is a match for wet cotton clinging to their skin.

Despite hearing that pull-ups don't work, I thought I could make them work for me. But, all of my failed attempts at potty training were in a large part due to my use of pull-ups and my strong desire to avoid all the mess associated with cleaning up accidents made in panties. Committing to panties is what has finally succeeded.

Don't worry though, today's washers are so thorough that you'll have no problem just throwing dirty pants into the washer and washing everything out at once. If your child has a poop accident just try and scrape as much poop off into the toilet as possible before putting them in the washer.

These Gerber training pants are what I used... they are inexpensive, comfortable, and they have a thick cotton middle, which absorbs small leaks, but won't stem the flow of a dam breaking

In the beginning, when you have to worry about accidents of major proportion, I used the training panties above with these waterproof covers:

So as not to confuse her, I told Madeleine they were her "warm panties" to keep her nice and cozy in the cold weather.

Many people suggest training pants with their favorite character on them - the idea being that the child won't want to "dirty" Dora or Bob the Builder. Unfortunately this didn't work for Madeleine, but other's have reported success. Now that she is potty trained though, she might be more interested, so I'm getting her these Disney panties (she loves Minnie Mouse):

Out and About

At first I used pull-ups in the beginning of potty training whenever we went out, in case she had an accident. But that was almost like a license to pee whenever she needed to and she didn't even bother telling me she had to go. When I again got past my fear of messiness and put her in panties only then did things improve.

Welcome

After several failed attempts, my very strong willed daughter Madeleine, age 2 and 4 months, is finally potty trained in one weeks' time.

When I first set out to potty train her 6 months ago (she was 22 months at the time), I searched the internet for detailed steps and helpful tips. Needless to say I was very disappointed with the lack of [free] information out there.

So, after reading books and talking to people, here is my report of how we did it, what we did, what worked for us, what didn't, and what has worked for other people. This is as much to help you as it is to document our experience for my future potty training attempts on Madeleine's siblings.

I have found that just as each child is different, so is each person's potty training experience and you might have to try many different little ideas to find that one that makes it click for your child.

I hope this information helps you! Good luck in your potty training adventures!

The Potty

Yes, you will need a little toilet because otherwise your poor child's little tushy will fall right in the bowl of an adult-sized toilet. But have no fear, there are so many options out there for a little toilet...

Singing Potties

There are potties that sing when a "contribution" is made (gotta love their polite terminology!), like this one:

The potty seat is removable and fits on the regular toilet if/when your child wants that.

Pros: there is no doubt about when your child has gone... which can be plus especially in the early stages when only a few drops dribble out at a time.

Cons: singing potties are more expensive that other little potties.

Combination Potty/Step-ladder

There are potty seat/step stool combinations that go on the big potty, like this one:

The potty seat is removable and fits on the regular toilet if/when your child wants that.

Pros: encourages your child to go on the big potty from the very start...

the ladder can also be used to help your child wash his or her hands.

Cons: more expensive than other little potties, and some combination potties seem flimsy, according to some reviews.

No Frills Potty

There are little potties that don't sing, don't have their own toilet paper holder, and don't make noise. There are two kinds of no-frills potties...

They look like a miniature potty, complete with a seat and a lid, like this one:

OR they can look like a one piece chair, like this:

I think the miniature potty model because I think it helped Madeleine make the association between going in her potty and in the toilet. Also, the potty chair doesn't have a removable seat for the adult toilet, so you'll have to buy that separately.

Pros: because this potty is so small and light you can literally take it with you anywhere, which is helpful when working on pottying outside the comfort of your home. In the beginning of training my daughter when we go out, I put her no-frills potty in the front seat of my car, just in case of emergency.

Cons: no frills to help make potty time fun

Just the Seat

If you don't want to fool with a little potty at all, you can just buy a little potty seat like this:

Pros: very inexpensive

Cons: Your child may prefer his or her own little potty... and you will likely want the convenience of moving the little potty wherever you need to, like in front of the TV for the beginning of training.

Important Considerations

• Some potties are constructed to be better suited for a boy (with a splash guard)
• Some are more sturdy than others
• Some are easier to tote along than others

So, consider your situation, read the online reviews (clicking any of the potty images above will take you to the potty reviews amazon), and choose accordingly.