A few days after she started to go on her own she would NOT go potty for poop. She just refused. No matter how much I begged, bribed, promised, and pleaded, she would only go in her panties.
I could not understand it because she would go pee just fine, but would hold her poop forever until she was off the potty.
I read somewhere that some children have this idea that their poop is part of them and it scares them to push it out of them into the potty. Some books have been written about it to explain to them where it goes, and that might work for some children.
I heard another idea about how to get a child to go poop in the potty. I told Madeleine that at the very bottom of the potty are tiny fishes and when she poops into the potty her poopy feeds the fishes. It worked right away!!! She would run to "feed the fishies" when she had to poop.
And then when she did poop in the potty I would make a gigantic deal about it and would give her more M&Ms than normal.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
No Doesn't Mean No
I don't know where I heard it first, but when I think the breakthrough moment for me for potty training was when I realized that if Madeleline answers "no" to the question, "Do you want to try and go potty?", it doesn't actually mean no, it means "no is my favorite word, so I will answer that to everything, even if I mean yes". =)
So, when I would ask a question or make a suggestion about trying to go potty I just ignored her emphatic NO and took her anyway (dragging or putting her in a corner if she flat out refused), and instead redirected her attention to a choice she had to make:
"Ok, here we go...
...do you want to use the little potty or the big potty?"
...do you want to read the Elmo book on the potty or the Kermit book?"
...do you want green M&Ms after you go or red M&Ms?"
So, when I would ask a question or make a suggestion about trying to go potty I just ignored her emphatic NO and took her anyway (dragging or putting her in a corner if she flat out refused), and instead redirected her attention to a choice she had to make:
"Ok, here we go...
...do you want to use the little potty or the big potty?"
...do you want to read the Elmo book on the potty or the Kermit book?"
...do you want green M&Ms after you go or red M&Ms?"
Accidents
Accidents happen! At least to us... some people might get luck and have a kid who never has an accident.
The key to accidents, as counterproductive as it seems, is to not scold or make the child feel bad. I did this just one time and it made Madeleine regress for a whole day. Once the child knows when to go and has demonstrated that they can go on their own, then they are ashamed enough of missing the timing. Instead, just say something like "Oh well, next time try and remember to stop what you're doing and go."
And bring along extra panties when you go out... just in case.
The key to accidents, as counterproductive as it seems, is to not scold or make the child feel bad. I did this just one time and it made Madeleine regress for a whole day. Once the child knows when to go and has demonstrated that they can go on their own, then they are ashamed enough of missing the timing. Instead, just say something like "Oh well, next time try and remember to stop what you're doing and go."
And bring along extra panties when you go out... just in case.
Step 4: 3-4 weeks after
About a week of her going to the potty by herself I moved her little potty from our living room to the bathroom and put the seat on the big potty, which is where she went from then on.
I've heard that for some kids potty training is like a light switch - once it clicks for them they never have any accidents. Madeleine wasn't like that. So, for a few weeks after she figured out how to go on her own, I had to constantly remind and reward her. Below are some things that worked for us...
I've heard that for some kids potty training is like a light switch - once it clicks for them they never have any accidents. Madeleine wasn't like that. So, for a few weeks after she figured out how to go on her own, I had to constantly remind and reward her. Below are some things that worked for us...
- She wore a dress instead of pants to make going to the potty as easy as possible.
- Every 30 minutes or so I would say something to remind her about the potty - either praising her for staying dry, asking if she wanted to try, showing her the M&Ms that were ready for her once she went, or pretending to call someone and brag to them about how she now goes potty by herself.
- If she said she didn't need to go, I would remind her "Do NOT go peepee or poopy in those pretty new pink panties". Of course, if she did have an accident I wouldn't chastise her... read Accidents for more about that.
- If I was pretty sure she would be need to go soon I would make her sit on the potty for a while until she went. For this, I did not take her "no, I don't need to go" seriously. Read my No Doesn't Mean No post for details.
- I had to continue to use M&Ms as a reward periodically for the following weeks, tapering off and stopping completely about 4 weeks afterward.
- We would also continue to reinforce it with potty books.
- I made her try to go when she first got up (when we would trade her pull up for panties), when we were about to go somewhere, and right before she went to bed.
Step 3: Potty Training, Days 2-3
The second day I just repeated the first day, but I was able to let her spend more time off the potty because I had a better idea of her bodily schedule and when she needed to go. She still was on the potty more than she was off of it, but I was able to wait about 45 minutes after eating and drinking before putting her on the potty for a few hours at a time, but with some 15-20 minute breaks.
Because she was off the potty more the second day, there were a few accidents, so I tried to keep her playing on the hardwood floors so that they were easier to clean.
The third days were a repeat of the first and second days, with less and less time spent on the potty. When she happened to poop or pee in the potty I made a HUGE deal of it and gave her a "bowl full of M&Ms". When she had an accident I acted very sad and took her soiled panties to the potty and scraped the poop or pee into there to show her that that is where it goes.
By the afternoon of the third day she had gotten the hang of it and started to go on her own.
Because of the potential for accidents, the first week of potty training she didn't wear anything but panties.
Because she was off the potty more the second day, there were a few accidents, so I tried to keep her playing on the hardwood floors so that they were easier to clean.
The third days were a repeat of the first and second days, with less and less time spent on the potty. When she happened to poop or pee in the potty I made a HUGE deal of it and gave her a "bowl full of M&Ms". When she had an accident I acted very sad and took her soiled panties to the potty and scraped the poop or pee into there to show her that that is where it goes.
By the afternoon of the third day she had gotten the hang of it and started to go on her own.
Because of the potential for accidents, the first week of potty training she didn't wear anything but panties.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Step 3: P-Day - First day of Potty Training
Potty training all boils down to being able to catch their pees and poops in the potty - being able to properly time their pees and poops with putting them on the potty. If you know your child's timing, this should be easy.
For children that are regular and poop or pee x minutes after eating or drinking, then you simply put them on the potty around that time for 10 minutes or so to catch them in the act. I had tried other people's suggestions of going to the potty every 30 minutes, but that didn't work for her because she didn't go regularly a certain number of minutes after eating or drinking. As a matter of fact, it seemed like she would hold it until she got off the potty and then she would go.
But what about if your child doesn't go regularly? Since Madeleine wasn't regular, we spent most of the entire first day just sitting her on the potty. Fortunately my 4 month old was going through a growth spurt and slept most of that day.
Once she peed I went crazy with excitement (everyone says, and I agree, that this is key). I jumped up and down, sang a potty song, danced around, and basically acted like a cheerleader on Red Bull going crazy cheering for her. AND I gave her "a bowl full of M&Ms" to eat after she washed her hands. There were really only like 7 in there, but it was in a special bowl and sounded like a lot, so she was excited about it.
Then I showed her how to wipe herself, she flushed the pee down the big potty, washed her hands with special new yummy-smelling soap and gave her the M&Ms.
After that she took a half hour to 45 minute break from the potty and then went back on it.
We did that the entire day (eating, drinking, and doing everything else on the potty) and by the end she had started to get the hang of it.
That night I put her in pullups to sleep.
For children that are regular and poop or pee x minutes after eating or drinking, then you simply put them on the potty around that time for 10 minutes or so to catch them in the act. I had tried other people's suggestions of going to the potty every 30 minutes, but that didn't work for her because she didn't go regularly a certain number of minutes after eating or drinking. As a matter of fact, it seemed like she would hold it until she got off the potty and then she would go.
But what about if your child doesn't go regularly? Since Madeleine wasn't regular, we spent most of the entire first day just sitting her on the potty. Fortunately my 4 month old was going through a growth spurt and slept most of that day.
Tips to train an unregular child...
- I had to confine her eating and drinking to one-time events, rather than give her water or juice whenever she wanted it (which is how it had been). For us I confined it to 4 times a day: breakfast, lunch, a snack, and dinner. That won't make them regular, but it will certain help a bit.
- Write down the exact times your child eats/drinks and then note when he or she pees or poops so you can get an idea of the time you can expect her to have to go... eg: 8:00 - breakfast - 9:00 - pee 10:15 poop.
- As soon as she got up I took off her diaper, told her we will be wearing soft new panties now, and I put her on the potty for 15 minutes to try and go. (She didn't).
- She had breakfast like normal, but with a lot of juice to drink.
- About 20 minutes later I put the potty in front of the TV and did everything I could to keep her there - new DVDs, snacks, drinks, etc.
- About 2 hours after breakfast when her poor little tushie had a red ring from sitting on the potty so long, she finally peed.
Once she peed I went crazy with excitement (everyone says, and I agree, that this is key). I jumped up and down, sang a potty song, danced around, and basically acted like a cheerleader on Red Bull going crazy cheering for her. AND I gave her "a bowl full of M&Ms" to eat after she washed her hands. There were really only like 7 in there, but it was in a special bowl and sounded like a lot, so she was excited about it.
Then I showed her how to wipe herself, she flushed the pee down the big potty, washed her hands with special new yummy-smelling soap and gave her the M&Ms.
After that she took a half hour to 45 minute break from the potty and then went back on it.
We did that the entire day (eating, drinking, and doing everything else on the potty) and by the end she had started to get the hang of it.
That night I put her in pullups to sleep.
Step 2: A few days before
A few days before we actually put her on the potty to try and go, we did more prep work:
- Let them get messy! - I read that some toddlers actually like the
feeling of dirtying in their diapers, Madeleine included, which is why I was pretty sure that if I left it up to her she wouldn't be potty trained until Kindergarten. I also figured this could be a sticking point with Madeleine because I am not a messy person and don't like for her to get messy to begin with. So, every day for about 3 days before P-day I let her "finger paint" with chocolate pudding. Granted, more pudding ended up on her body than on the paper, but that was the idea. I think this really helped! Here is a picture of her in her finger painting glory. - Practice sitting - I started getting her used to her new potty and to the idea of taking time out of her play to go potty by having her sit on it for a few minutes several times a day.
- Make the bathroom "fun" - I tried putting up posters of Little Einsteins all over the bathroom at her level. This actually didn't work for us but her doctor did recommend it, so maybe it works for some people.
- Introduce a potty trained friend - when Madeleine had a 3 year old friend come over to play and she saw him go potty by himself just one time it made a huge difference.
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